


Hunger Like a Storm

by little_murmaider



Category: Metalocalypse
Genre: Crying Skwisgaar is the only thing I can write I guess!, Cuddles, Heavy Petting, M/M, Makeouts, So many cuddles jeez, Touch-Starved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-13
Updated: 2017-02-13
Packaged: 2018-09-24 00:39:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9692006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/little_murmaider/pseuds/little_murmaider
Summary: When it came to him and Toki, Skwisgaar always figured sex would come first and the feelings would follow. That's not exactly how it goes.





	

Skwisgaar always thought, if he and Toki ever managed to nut up and made a serious go at it, sex would come first and the sappy crap would follow. The reverse proved true. Toki’s absence and subsequent rescue ignited a kerosene fire of **feelings** for both of them, thrust them full-force into Relationship Town before either had time to second guess it. Which meant a _lot_ of fumbling, boundary-setting conversations.  
  
Which was fine, for a while. Between Toki’s recovery and Skwisgaar’s guilt-fueled night terrors, their libidos were in the toilet. Though Skwisgaar’s returned first, he understood the importance of Toki regaining his sense of agency at his own pace. After weeks of dating, they had yet to advance beyond chaste hand-holding. (Once, to celebrate a revelatory round of physical therapy, Toki gave Skwisgaar a brief kiss on the mouth. Skwisgaar was so backed up, the contact almost made him cream his pants.) He was one over-enthusiastic jack-off session from wearing a wrist brace.  
  
So when Toki slammed Skwisgaar into a wall and smothered him in sloppy, aggressive make-outs, the _absolute last_ thing he wanted to do was stop him. But then, he’d been surprising himself a lot nowadays.  
  
“Ams you sures you ready?” Skwisgaar asked, nudging Toki off. He lost himself in headiness as Toki’s teeth swept across his neck.  
  
“Does it _looks_ like I’m nots ready?”  
  
“Ifs you nots, we cans does somet’ing else. I don’ts wants yous to t’inks we _has_ to does dis, cause--”  
  
Toki canted his hips into Skwisgaar’s, eliciting a groan and a loss of reservations.  
  
“ **Skwisgaar.** Shuts de fucks up. And fucks me.”  
  
That was all the convincing he needed.    
  
They groped their way to Skwisgaar’s room, his desire so intense he thought he might start frothing at the mouth. Sliding his hands beneath Toki’s shirt, he worked the garment off with deft efficiency and stripping of his own. They reached the bed and he shoved Toki dead in the chest. Climbing on top of him, he nipped his way down Toki’s front. No thought preceded touch. He was a feral beast, seeking only base, animalistic release.  
  
Toki stopped him as he undid his fly.  
  
“Jeez, slows down, pal! Yous trying to makes me cums rights _now_?”  
  
Skwisgaar grinned wickedly. Maintaining eye contact, he prodded the bulge in Toki’s boxers with the tip of his tongue. Toki drew a sharp breath through gritted teeth.  
  
“ _Asshole_ ,” his hissed. Skwisgaar snickered.  
  
“Alrights.” He crossed his hands on Toki’s thigh and propped his chin atop them. “Whats you wants instead?”  
  
He yelped in surprise when Toki seized him by his upper arms, dragging him beside him. His blood buzzed in him, the anticipation making his head swim. Skwisgaar opened his mouth to speak, but as the backs of Toki’s fingers grazed his cheek, words failed him.  
  
“I’s wanted dis for a longs time,” Toki murmured, his free hand trailing down Skwisgaar’s torso. “I wants to. Mm. _Savors_ it, you knows what I means?”  
  
The touch mollified his need. As stubby nails skimmed his stomach, Skwisgaar felt a drop low in his abdomen he didn’t recognize as arousal. “Nos…”  
  
Toki smiled as he tipped Skwisgaar’s chin toward him. Skwisgaar always viewed kissing as a means to an end, a mundane formality to get to the good stuff. But _this_ kissing--the tender brush of Toki’s lips, how his hands roved Skwisgaar’s body gently and without agenda--was foreign.  
  
“Whats...Whats ams you _doings_?”  
  
Toki’s aimless affections mapped Skwisgaar. As he did, Skwisgaar’s skin felt magnetized, electricity crackling through his veins. Heat flooded his nerves. Something in his ribcage vibrated with such ferocity, he feared his bones would slice clean through his skin. It became difficult to breathe. His movements were stiff and labored, as though he was encased in gradually-hardening wax. What was going _on_? Skwisgaar always prided himself on how well he knew his body, on the absolute control he exercised over it. Now it had gone rogue, inundating him with sensations he recognized, but could not connect to the moment at hand. His face flushed with warm satisfaction, like when he completed a flawless solo. His extremities twitched, like when he over indulged on coffee. There was a wash of something else, too. A sense of safety that vaporized his veneer of insouciance. It pulverized Skwisgaar’s obsolete heart into long-overdue action.   
  
Toki’s muffled chuckling brought him back to the present.  
  
“Alls dat talk abouts how greats you ams in bed, and dis de best you cans do?” he said, mistaking Skwisgaar’s petrification for disinterest. “Damn, Skwigelf, acts like you _beens_ here befores.”     
  
Was it an existential crisis? An anxiety attack? Did all relationships go like this? Was the piece of him meant to process this stuff too busted to shit to function? Whatever it was, he needed to shut it down, fast. A series of croaky, stumbling noises fell from his mouth. Toki came up for air, grinning, but the amusement drained from his expression once he laid eyes on Skwisgaar. His throat swelled shut. Coolness careened down his cheeks; a sob escaped him. Panic cracked Toki’s face like an egg.  
  
“What is happenings.”  
  
“I don’ts _knows._ ”  
  
“Why ams you cryings.”  
  
“I _don’ts knows_.”  
  
“Dids I does somet’ings wrongs? Does you wants me to stops, or…”  
  
“ _I DON’TS KNOWS_ , Toki, I don’ts **_fucking knows._** ” Toki reclined, palms up in surrender, and Skwisgaar sat up, clenching his temples with the heels of his hands. “Dis nevers happened to mes before. _Whats de fucks dids you do to mes?!_ ”  
  
Toki came up behind him and crushed him to his chest, dropping his chin on Skwisgaar’s shoulder.  
  
“Why you does dat?” Skwisgaar wheezed. “Why ams you puttings your arms...on mes...and squeezings? My bodies? Wif dems?”  
  
“I...it’s a hugs?” He turned his head to look at him. “I’m huggings you? You knows what huggings ams.”  
  
“Buts, whys?”  
  
“What you means, _whys_? Because you’re upset, and I’s tryings to makes you _less_ upset.” Toki’s grip loosened enough to slink around and face him. He studied Skwisgaar, swiping errant tears with the back of his hand. “Whens you says dis never happens before, does you means _dis_? Or.” He stroked Skwisgaar’s sides with the flats of his palms. Skwisgaar tensed. “Does you means _dis_?”  
  
“Uh. Bofs?”  
  
“All dos ladies you puts your you-know-whats in, dey nevers touch yous like dis?”  
  
Disorientation engulfed him, made his thoughts murky. “Was dey supposed tos?”  
  
“Oh.” He softened, guiding him into an embrace. “Oh, _Skwisgaar_.”  
  
Skwisgaar railed against the hug. “Don’ts fucking patronize mes, cause I don’ts, I don’ts knows, _cuddles_ like a _bitch_.”  
  
Toki’s eyes narrowed to slits. “Which ones of us is cryings right nows?”  
  
“Fuck offs, fuck yous, gets de fucks out of heres!”  
  
That would have had a bit more bite, had he not been weeping. He squirmed like a burlap full of ferrets, trying to dislodge himself. Despite his struggle, Toki kept him restrained.  
  
“Wowee, you gots, like, _no_ upper body strengths whatsoevers,” Toki said.  
  
“Shuts up!”  
  
“Is likes wrestling a pool noodles.”  
  
“Leaves me alones!”  
  
“Hey, hey, _hey_. It’s okays dat you're nots okays.” He pet Skwisgaar’s hair, his lips curving into a small smile. “Okays?”  
  
Skwisgaar’s confusion and distress dissipated into oblivion. His muscles relaxed, his breath slowed. Whatever came over him wasn't going away anytime soon, so he succumbed to it. Eyes growing wet again, he burrowed into the crook of Toki’s neck, whimpering ( _whimpering_ seriously when did he become such a sniveling little shit?) when Toki’s arms tightened around his waist. Without releasing, Toki moved him to his side as he mumbled indistinguishable endearments. Softness and comfort cocooned him. With one arm pinned between their chests, he slunked the other over Toki’s middle in a clumsy attempt to mirror the embrace. Exhaustion drifted over his senses like ash. Being held sanded down the edges of something jagged within Skwisgaar, something he never realized he carried.  
  
The monotonous thump of Toki’s pulse lulled him into dreamless sleep.  
  
He came to, too hot, some time later.  His mouth was dry. A light scratching on his scalp made him twitch, cast his gaze about the room. The television was on, the volume low. Toki glanced over his shoulder and smiled, muting the screen as he laid beside him.  
  
“Hello dere,” he muttered, sweeping his hair off his forehead.  
  
“I didn’ts means to falls to sleep.”  
  
Toki shrugged. “Wells. You awakes now, so.”  
  
The faintest press of lips against his own evaporated any lingering unease. During one of the band’s Dethsub excursions, a drunk Nathan told him about a type of deep sea fish that melts into their mates, forming one single creature. At the time, Skwisgaar thought it was gross. Now, his foggy, scrambled brain found it weirdly romantic; to be absorbed by someone’s affections. To build a home in someone’s love. To share a heartbeat.  
  
Skwisgaar wanted to take this new feeling out for a spin. Unfortunately, when he tried, he was met with resistance. Not from Toki, but from something outside himself. The ridge of Toki’s body was blocked by something. As he attempted to move, Toki snorted. Skwisgaar twisted his head and realized he was immobilized by something heavy. At least four blankets draped over him, plus two sweatshirts Skwisgaar had stuffed in the back of his closet, and a parka Toki had unearthed from somewhere. Skwisgaar squinted, uncomprehending.  
  
“Whaaaaaa…”  
  
Toki’s laughter rolled into a crescendo as he peel back the layers of fabric. “I buried yous! I puts all dis stuffs on yous and you didn’ts wakes up at alls!”  
  
“Whys.”  
  
“You looks like yous just a little heads, on tops of a blankets mountain.” He clamped Skwisgaar’s cheeks in his thumb and index finger. “Hello, little heads!”  
  
“ _Toki_.”  
  
His giggles hitched up so high, he gasped for air. “Hows you gonna plays guitar whens you dont’s got no arms?”  
  
“ **Get dis shit offs me**.”  
  
Upon reaching the bottom sheet, Toki wriggled beneath it, his body clicking into place against Skwisgaar’s. Toki nosed though his hair, kissed his cheek.   
  
“ _Baby_ ,” he breathed.  
  
Skwisgaar stiffened. “I ain’ts a _fucking baby_ \--”  
  
“Nots _A_ baby,” he murmured into Skwisgaar’s ear. “ _MY_ baby.”  
  
Skwisgaar’s indignation cooled. Fingers itching for activity, he combed through the ends of Toki’s hair.  
  
“Whiles you was outs I poked arounds de internet machine to figure outs what mades you freaks out likes dat.”  
  
“Eyeugh, _freaks out_ ams a little strongs...”  
  
Toki’s steely stare bore into Skwisgaar for a long, silent moment.  
  
“ _Anyways_. It turns out whens you goes a longs time wifouts getting touched, it can make you crazy. I knows whats you gonna says--” he pitched his voice down to a rumble “-- **hueeeegghhhh buts I gets laids every minutes of every days, whats you means I don’ts get touched you dildo?** But it don’ts gots to do wif getting offs, it gots to do wif feeling likes de person yous wif cares abouts you. Nobodies touched you likes I dids, because nobodies cares abouts you likes I do.”  
  
Skwisgaar could not recall the last time he had been close for the sake of closeness. Most of his sexual escapades during Toki’s disappearance occurred in a fugue. Even further back, sex had served as more of a stress reliever than anything else. Orgasm had long been the antidote for a sickness he refused to name. The stillness that arose in him had never before seemed possible. To experience pleasure, severed from sexual fullfillment, was strange, but welcome. He smiled.  
  
“So. Whats you're sayings is. You mades me crazy.”  
  
Toki punched him in the bicep. “It's nots crazy to be overwhelmed the first times somebody make you feels good and special. Especially if you gots not'ings to comps-pares it to.”  
  
Skwisgaar’s gaze flitted down to Toki’s fingers, drawing patterns into his sternum.  
  
“Stops beings so nice to mes.”  
  
“ **No**. I’s gonna keeps givings you kisses, and cuddles, and I’s gonna poke yous in dis spots rights here cause you ticklish dere and it’s adorables whens you giggles likes dat. And I gonna keeps doings its until you gets it through your thick skulls dat you deserves to feel happy, because _you_ makes me happy ands I--”  
  
He caught himself, suddenly bashful. His gesticulations quickened, his face growing flush.  
  
“I…you knows…” He swallowed. “I. _You knows_. You. A lots.”  
  
Skwisgaar’s heart lurched.  
  
“Like, a _lots_ a lots,” Toki rambled, his speech picking up speed. “Like, too much, maybes? We’s just started dis t’ings wif us, and Toki abouts to tanks it befores anyt’ing even--”  
  
With as much tenderness he could muster, Skwisgaar took Toki’s face between his hands, and kissed him. Emotion rushed from him, swallowing them both. He wanted to fill Toki, make him feel as clean and new as he did. They clung barnacle-like to one another as they sank into the warm, boundless sea of Skwisgaar’s heart.     
  
When he broke away, Toki’s eyes remained closed; they fluttered open, gauzy and dreamy, when Skwisgaar nudged his face.  
  
“Hey.” He whispered. “Whats you says. Buts, me.” He touched his forehead to Toki’s. “Also.”  
  
“Really?”  
  
“Mhm.”  
  
Toki’s eyes swelled with tears. He glowed. “Dat’s cool.”  
  
Eventually their desires would sync up, and they would learn the nuances of each others’ bodies. But not yet. Now, this was all they needed. 

 


End file.
